A Backseat Friend? No...

I never allowed myself to be an option for anybody. They either wanted me around or I dropped them like a bad habit. I never wanted to be a second choice for anyone. You know, the person they went to when they couldn't get anything else they wanted. Yet somehow, that's exactly what I became.

It didn't happen the way I expected it to. He's my ex- boyfriend. And we stayed close friends through the breakup and everything else. We were REALLY close. We still cared a lot about each other and we could talk about anything. But now..?

Any of you guys remember "Shay"??? She was supposed to blog with me but now we hate each other.. anyway, remember her??? Yeah well, he really likes her. And he's been trying to get with her. But whatever....

Anyway, something was really wrong with him and he wouldn't tell me.... That's a first. We talk about everything. So I knew that something was up. And I recently received a message saying I needed to stop hugging him. From him. Which was weird, because he usually asks me for a hug when he sees me. So that really threw me off. And now he won't tell me what's bringing all of this on. He just keeps saying "I'm sorry." I can't help but think that Shay has a lot to do with it.

He, in a way, is being "forced" to choose between her and me. And he will be choosing her. I am aware of that. What saddens me the most is knowing I can't change it. In fact, I'm almost embracing it. I must really love the dude (as a brother kind of person). Because I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness for his. Which, guys, you should never do. But right now, there's so much going on, I am trying to hold onto and work out so many things that I am just emotionally drained. I don't have the strength to try to hold onto him, too. 

Cosiferd, I'm really sorry that this is how it's gonna be. I'm going to miss you a lot. I hope you're happy with her. I love you, buddy.

Love, 
Amber