Dear You,

Hey, guess what?!? This is a letter to you. (No, Sam, not you. Not this time.) I have been thinking about this for a while, and I so I wanted to tell you. But, in a way that you will most likely never see it.

I love you. Not like, I "like you- love you", but like I "love you- love you". But, not like, "I want to be with you- love you" but "being there for you is enough for now and forever because we are friends- love you". Okay, so maybe it isn't like I "love you- love you". No, it isn't. But it is more than "I like you- love you." Anyway, I want you to know that. But like, I am not in love with you. But I honestly have no idea what I am trying to say right now. So I'm gonna look at pictures on the interwebz. Kay, bai!

The People Who Care

The people who care the most

Are often crying themselves to sleep

The people who smile the most

Are the ones who need a friend

The people who make you happy

Are the ones who are always sad

The people who are always there

Are the ones who are always alone

Three Emotions

What's it like, readers? What does it feel like to live a life where sometimes you are happy and sometimes you are sad? I would love for you to tell me. Let me tell you what being me is like.

Being me is like drowning. It's like constantly having great pressure on your chest at all times.

By nature, human beings come with a wide range of emotions. I come with three.

Some days, I am numb. I am completely and totally numb. I don't feel sadness or happiness or pain or anything. These are the days that I want to fight. These are the days when I am most likely to make a poor decision simply because I want to feel something.

Other days, all I feel is excruciating pain. I wish that I could tear myself apart. I want to self destruct. I can't, for the life of me, find a way to make the pain go away. So I cry or I refuse to eat. Anything.

Other days, I am so unbelievably angry. I know that if I am within a few feet of the wrong person I will try to fight them. I refuse to eat. I am always a few seconds away from flipping out on somebody. My temper has the shortest fuse. I don't even know why I get angry half of the time. But it is hard to live with.

I'm tired, guys. I spend 98% of my life being there for the handful of people that I actually care about. (The rest of the time I spend sleeping.) My friends know that no matter what is going on in their lives, I am there for them. But I don't get the same back. When I finally break enough to need someone to be there for me, they all run for the hills. I'm just too much to handle. And I'm getting tired of not only helping other people fight their fights, but of fighting mine alone. It's rough.

I'm tired.

I am in Mourning

I am in mourning for my generation. I mean, just look at us. We're seventeen/ eighteen years old. And we have all of these false perceptions of love and life and everything in the world.

Happily ever after? Yeah, no. That's not real. Forget about it.

A happy successful life if all you want to do is what you love? Nope. Honestly, it is REALLY hard to make a living doing what you want.

Nothing that we know is the truth. We are coddled and spoon fed and we're going to experience major culture shock when we get out into the real world. You guys want the truth? Here it is:

It doesn't matter if you find Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now or Mr. Wrong. Love hurts. It sucks. In fact, relationships, both romantic and platonic suck. People will hurt you and let you down and make you want to give up. People lie and cheat. They make mistakes and might even tell you that being with you was one of them.

You're going to be angry and upset, possibly more than you are happy. You just have to face that.

Finding You Again

So, as anyone who has read my blog recently knows, I was just in a relationship. A relationship that ended on Sunday. (Yeah, I know, it's heartbreaking...) Well, it was last night and this morning in the midst of all of the pain and heartbreak that I realized something.

In my other blog, I wrote about Kai. Well guys, I realized that I miss him. A lot. And I still want to be with him. I still love him. So I hope that one day... two months from three days ago I will be able to find him again. So, dear readers, if you don't mind, I could use your mental support. So, thanks guys!

Love,
Amber

Welp... This is a Blog....

I am in class. And I am bored. So.. someone should probably give me something to do before I die of boredom. Mer....

I'm Back!!

Hey guys, I know it seems like I haven't posted in a while. I have been posting. But for a while, I had to take my blog offline while I got some stuff together. Not to mention, for quite a few months, I didn't even feel like writing. My motivation and my flow was completely gone. But I'm back, loyal followers! After months and months of careful consideration, I've decided to put my blog back out there for the masses. Of course, a few obvious changes have been made as well as some not obvious ones. For instance, my font has changed in my blog title and the titles of my post. Something a little more exciting, however, is that now ANY of you readers can post- not just google members! Don't think that you have to remain anonymous, if you're comfortable, leave me your name. And I am always free with my email if anyone wants to talk. You guys can ALWAYS reach me in the comments or at tubagirlrox13@gmail.com so, contact away! If anyone has questions or comments or even ideas of what I should blog about.... even anything in MY life you want me to post about or if you have a story you want told- just let me know! I have decided I want to make this blog an open forum. And I've realized that a lot of people don't have voices. I've had readers from 10 different countries, so obviously there are a LOT of interesting or motivating or funny stories that can be shared. So share them with me- and I'll share them with the world!

Thanks for reading. I love you guys!

~Amber

Where Do I Go After I Die?

For as long as anybody can remember (so.... like.... the 1920s...) people have debated where we go after we die. Christians and other religious folk seem to have a firm belief in life- after- death and a holy place for eternal happiness and worship. Atheists, however, suffer from the "Atheist's Curse". If you ask an Atheist what happens to people after we die, they will probably reply with, "Remember what it was like in the 1800s? Yeah, that's what it is like when you die."

Me? Personally, I hope when I die I get to sleep. For serious, getting up at 5:00 in the morning for school is a crock of shit.

That is all.

Love,
Amber

Squeak, Squeak!

The old saying goes "the squeaky wheel gets the grease." However, according to my best friend Maddy, "The squeaky third wheel gets the oil." Which, I have to admit, kind of makes me laugh. But that's not what I'm trying to write about.

Today, my wonderful boyfriend was talking about how he was going to be the seventh wheel tonight. He is going to a Motionless in White concert with his best friend, his best friendls girlfriend, his best friend's sister, her boyfriend, his best friend's mom and her boyfriend. I am not going. (Obviously, because I am sitting here writing this blog for you guys.) It's not that I don't like Motionless in White it is just that... quite frankly, I wasn't asked to go. Anywhoozle, I felt really bad for him. Especially when he texted to tell me his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend were... well... the text said "Yuck."

So alas, here I am, sitting on my couch feeling bad for my boyfriend when I started to feel bad for myself. Not because I didn't get to go see Motionless in White. It really isn't a big deal at all. I need to finish a book I just started. I feel bad for myself because I'm lonely. It is a Friday night. Normal people go out with friends or do SOMETHING on a Friday night. Or at least they have someone to talk to. I haven't talked to anyone in like... 2 hours. And it will probably be that way until Sunday when my boyfriend is no longer with his friend.

It's not that I don't want him to see his best friend. I really do want them to spend time together. I love my boyfriend and I adore his best friend. (His best friend and I were always really close.) I want them to spend as much time together as they desire, because I don't want to make my boyfriend pull a "Ted" on his friends because of me. The only thing that conflcts with that is my unhealthy obsession with my boyfriend. I am addicted to him. I want to be with him at all times. Like, when he leaves my house, I want to cry. Sometimes I do cry. How sad is that?!?!?

The point of that whole segway was to get back to the squeaky wheel from before. So I feel bad for my squeaky seventh wheel boyfriend who can squeak to me and his friends. But what about me? I'm the wheel that was left behind because it wasn't needed. Who do I get to squeak to?!?

So, my question is: is it worse to be a wheel that squeaks or a wheel that can't?

"Good Enough"

Good enough... good enough is never really good enough. At least, not for me. Today, I was given a 1 out of 6 for organization on a paper I wrote. Granted, I didn't care about the assignment, but I care about my writing. That was like a blow to the face with a steel chair.

So... how do we really define "good enough"? I mean, in what world do we, as humans, think that anything will ever be good enough? It's an unrealistic goal that we can't even begin to define!!! NOTHING!! Absolutely NOTHING will be good enough! Not for any of us. Even things that we consider satisfactory... there is always some part of us that is minutely disapoointed by whatever it is. So... should we give up or keep striving for the impossible?

Strive for the impossible, folks! Reach for the stars, and when you get to the stars, shoot for the moon. And when you reach the moon, keep on going!! You'll never get far enough!

Proof. for Reddit

Avid readers, you all know that I am a 17 year old girl. You've known that for a long while. But reddit needs proof, so here is my proof. This is highly advised against, but here in my blog, I'm posting a link to my facebook so redditors can go have a looksie and see that I AM 17.


https://www.facebook.com/amber.n.gales


Love,
Amber