I suppose that if I really wanted to, I could blame everyone else for everything that's wrong in my life. I could blame Shay for causing me to lose two of my "friends". I could blame Trinity for her breakup with Jon, which in turn caused me to finally admit my feelings about him to myself and others. I could blame Jon for rejecting me, thus rendering me lonely and sad every day. I could blame society for causing me to change my appearance every other season. I could blame my mom for making me the foods that I like, leaving me chubby and unlovable. I could blame my nieces for being so darn admirable that I just HAD to be a little bit like both of them. I could blame Maddy for being such a great friend that I couldn't have cared less about whether or not Shay wanted to be my friend anymore or not. I could blame Emily for being so epicly awesome that I couldn't help but unconsciously take on some of her characteristics. I suppose I could even blam GOD, for putting me on this Earth in the first place and forcing so much drama into my life. I could... but I won't.
I have to admit, that had I never told anyone that I really cared for Jon, I probably could have beaten the feeling out of myself. (Preferably with something soft, like a pillow.) Like, when "J.J." asked me if I love Jon, I simply replyed, "Love is a term that gets tossed around and thus means nothing. I have to say no." Which, if you know me, then you know that that's total bull crap. Of course I do, it's totally obvious. However, I believed that if I denyed the feelings to the "outsiders of my heart" then I could deny them (and believe it) to myself.
Can you change what your heart feels simply by will? The answer to that riddle is no...
Which then raises the question, is it my fault? Is it all my fault?
Which then gives you the answer: no.
You see, I came to the conclusion that if you can't control your heart or how you feel about someone or something, then it's not your fault that your actions or body language reflect what you're doing. So no, it's not my fault. I can only blame my feelings. :)
Love,
Paige♥
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Differences: The Good, the Beautiful, and the Really, Really Ugly
Something makes us all different. That's how it was meant to be, yes? And some of these differences are graciously accepted (such as choosing baseball over basketball) while others seem to be frowned upon by the folks of high school's society. What are these choices that cause us to be different and unliked? Say for example, saying that you would prefer hanging out with your chubby band buddies, playing Halo and eating McDonalds rather than shopping with a bunch of size 0 cheerleaders in mini skirts at the mall while you slurp zero calorie protein shakes. That's tabood. You simply can't say something like that!!! Can you? The answer to that riddle is; yes, you can. And I did.
(Y'all know that I like to tell stories, so here I go with mine...)
I switched schools alot. And at my previous school, I was the "IT girl". Popular, a member of the "populazzi", one of the "beautiful people". But honestly, I wasn't beautiful. At all. I mean yeah, I had pretty awesome clothes and perfect, straight, layered hair, and the perfectly polished nails. But on the inside, I was SO ugly. I made fun of sweet, innocent kids because I thought they were fat, or less talented than I. And if you weren't in choir with the rest of us "beautiful people", then forget it; you didn't stand a chance against us. And I was the worst of us all. You see, words and I get along great. I'm never at a loss for them and I seem to have a retort for anything that comes flying at me. So I had that advantage over people. In the time it took me to shoot five mean comments at the sweet, smart little girl behind me, she'd barely gotten to the beginning of a comeback. And I never got caught, because I was cool and nobody was gonna report me.
Well, a few years later, I switched to another school. Here, I wasn't as "cool" as I had been. I traded in my skirts and flip flops for mens shorts and sneakers. I didn't wear makeup and I didn't care about what I looked like. It took me a long time to get used to not being part of the "in crowd" and it took even longer for me to stop caring about what people thought about me. But I grew a thick skin, and joined band. I recently switched from flute to tuba. (So many jokes). But the jokes didn't matter anymore. I found something I enjoyed that didn't require tearing other people down. Plus, I made some pretty great friends, including one of the boys I had picked on before who had transferred to my current school. Of all the decisions I had made that made me different and a little less liked, the best one I made was trading a "beautiful crowd" for a beautiful soul. And I'll never regret it.
So yeah, I guess my story has a happy ending, when it comes to me being different. But some people aren't always as lucky; thay don't feel wanted or loved and they commit suicide. Because someone didn't think they were "cool" or "normal". But there is no normal. And honestly, they were probably a lot cooler than the people who drove them to their suicide. I don't think that teenagers really understand what effect they have on their peers that they view as "less fortunate, like, socially". But those kids look up to the populazzi to make them feel special, and they get shot down. Like that time you had to flush your dead goldfish down the toilet. It was gone before you could take him out of there and bury him properly. Once you say something, you can't take it back.
If anyone is reading this, I ask you try this challenge for me: For the next three weeks, reach out to people who don't have many friends. Compliment the girl who dresses like a Catholic bride from the 1800s. Or maybe just say hi to someone who is unhapy. Who knows, you might just save their life.
With Love,
Paige♥
(Y'all know that I like to tell stories, so here I go with mine...)
I switched schools alot. And at my previous school, I was the "IT girl". Popular, a member of the "populazzi", one of the "beautiful people". But honestly, I wasn't beautiful. At all. I mean yeah, I had pretty awesome clothes and perfect, straight, layered hair, and the perfectly polished nails. But on the inside, I was SO ugly. I made fun of sweet, innocent kids because I thought they were fat, or less talented than I. And if you weren't in choir with the rest of us "beautiful people", then forget it; you didn't stand a chance against us. And I was the worst of us all. You see, words and I get along great. I'm never at a loss for them and I seem to have a retort for anything that comes flying at me. So I had that advantage over people. In the time it took me to shoot five mean comments at the sweet, smart little girl behind me, she'd barely gotten to the beginning of a comeback. And I never got caught, because I was cool and nobody was gonna report me.
Well, a few years later, I switched to another school. Here, I wasn't as "cool" as I had been. I traded in my skirts and flip flops for mens shorts and sneakers. I didn't wear makeup and I didn't care about what I looked like. It took me a long time to get used to not being part of the "in crowd" and it took even longer for me to stop caring about what people thought about me. But I grew a thick skin, and joined band. I recently switched from flute to tuba. (So many jokes). But the jokes didn't matter anymore. I found something I enjoyed that didn't require tearing other people down. Plus, I made some pretty great friends, including one of the boys I had picked on before who had transferred to my current school. Of all the decisions I had made that made me different and a little less liked, the best one I made was trading a "beautiful crowd" for a beautiful soul. And I'll never regret it.
So yeah, I guess my story has a happy ending, when it comes to me being different. But some people aren't always as lucky; thay don't feel wanted or loved and they commit suicide. Because someone didn't think they were "cool" or "normal". But there is no normal. And honestly, they were probably a lot cooler than the people who drove them to their suicide. I don't think that teenagers really understand what effect they have on their peers that they view as "less fortunate, like, socially". But those kids look up to the populazzi to make them feel special, and they get shot down. Like that time you had to flush your dead goldfish down the toilet. It was gone before you could take him out of there and bury him properly. Once you say something, you can't take it back.
If anyone is reading this, I ask you try this challenge for me: For the next three weeks, reach out to people who don't have many friends. Compliment the girl who dresses like a Catholic bride from the 1800s. Or maybe just say hi to someone who is unhapy. Who knows, you might just save their life.
With Love,
Paige♥
Money V.S. Morals; Who Wins?
"Life shouldn't be printed on dollar bills. ~Clifford Odets"
Yet how often it is. It seems that in today's society, we spend more time looking at the car someone drives, the clothes they are wearing or whether or not their watch is a Rolex®. But does anyone even look at the actual person anymore? Does sustenance even matter anymore?
Here I go with yet another of my infamous stories:
I wasn't born into money, as folks say they were. I was pretty darn poor, to be honest. I was ashamed of my background and of where I come from. Even today, I fear someone not being able to understand it. However, not having a lot meant that I could appreciate what I did have. And that's better than a lot of money. Now my family and I live comfortably and we couldn’t ask for a better life. And if I want something (within a reasonable price range, not anything drastic. I still won't purchase my own iPod.) Then I am capable of buying it. But that doesn't mean I've forgotten to appreciate the little things in life. No, I probably wouldn't get all excited if all I got for Christmas was a butter knife, but 20 years later, I'd probably still have it and I'd use it to butter my child's toast in the mornings. Heck, I'd pass it on as a new priceless family heirloom.
A lot of my peers come from good families. I know two of them even come from very wealthy families. (But I would never tell you who they are.) And I just don't fit in with these classmates of mine. But that's okay, because I don't want to. They are as shallow as the silver- lined kiddie pool their parents bought them when they were three. No sustenance and they're totally rude. But it's tolerated and accepted because their families have money. I ask you, is that fair? The answer to that riddle folks, is no. But that's how it is.
I wonder how society could have even gotten to the point where we value money over morals. Are we all so shallow that we don't see that we are paving the path to self- destruction? At what point will it be safe for the "less fortunate" yet morally right folks to some out of hiding, look straight into the eyes of our materialistic society, and say, "Alright, that's enough."
Monday, June 11, 2012
Relationships
So many things could be comtemplated in this small space with an unlimited amount of characters. But what to write about?? How about... relationships. A big thing in high school, no matter where you are in the High School Hierarchy. But how can you really understand a relationship and all that goes with it? And how can you determine if a relationship is really a relationship after all?
Take my coauthor Shay, for example. She had, what was by my standards, a relationship. His name, for the cause, shall be Leroy. Well, she and Leroy would flirt often. He would hug her and flirt with her and even tried to get her to share his Rice Crispy treat with him. (I think it was his way of trying to kiss my friend.) He even wnated to sit with her on the bus and talk to her in 8th period. Ordinary juvenile love, yes? .... No. Not at all. The silly boy used my friend, then dated her best friend. (not me). She thought he really liked her. So that poses the question, how do you know if a relationship is really a relationship. Aren't "flings" reserved for summer camps and beach retreats??
Then, there's my story. I was in a relationship with a boy I'll call Tim. He and I dated, for what I thought was a significantly long time in comparison to previous relationships of mine. Little did I know that, well, we had broken up and he had simply not told me. How are we expected to know when a relationship is over if our partner never tells us???
Perhaps the real question is, if relationshipsare so hard to understand for us every day folks, then who are they for? Who can understand them? Maybe, they are for love gurus and self help books. Maybe, they weren't meant to be perceived as real things experienced by real people. Perhaps, they are just merely fiction, for the amusement of a higher power.
I ask that this be the question that be pondered: Does the story of love have the same amount of authenticity as the story of Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny?
Take my coauthor Shay, for example. She had, what was by my standards, a relationship. His name, for the cause, shall be Leroy. Well, she and Leroy would flirt often. He would hug her and flirt with her and even tried to get her to share his Rice Crispy treat with him. (I think it was his way of trying to kiss my friend.) He even wnated to sit with her on the bus and talk to her in 8th period. Ordinary juvenile love, yes? .... No. Not at all. The silly boy used my friend, then dated her best friend. (not me). She thought he really liked her. So that poses the question, how do you know if a relationship is really a relationship. Aren't "flings" reserved for summer camps and beach retreats??
Then, there's my story. I was in a relationship with a boy I'll call Tim. He and I dated, for what I thought was a significantly long time in comparison to previous relationships of mine. Little did I know that, well, we had broken up and he had simply not told me. How are we expected to know when a relationship is over if our partner never tells us???
Perhaps the real question is, if relationshipsare so hard to understand for us every day folks, then who are they for? Who can understand them? Maybe, they are for love gurus and self help books. Maybe, they weren't meant to be perceived as real things experienced by real people. Perhaps, they are just merely fiction, for the amusement of a higher power.
I ask that this be the question that be pondered: Does the story of love have the same amount of authenticity as the story of Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny?
The Ethical Choice
"If it was the right thing to do, to speak the truth, to give that person a voice; if that was right, then why do I feel like I've done the worst thing ever?" ~Paige (Me)
I like to blog about thing I think I know about, or have at least experienced (i.e. relationships, monetary woes, or true beauty). But I got to thinking today and realized that if I even have any readers, I need their help. I need your opinions! So readers, (Paigeites, if you will) how do you know if the choice you made was the ethical, or "right" one. How do you know if you've made the right decision?
Let me tell you a story...
Once upon a time, there was this girl in high school, and she had two good friends she had met whilst in a summer program as part of Upward Bound. Her name was Paige, and their names (that I've changed) were Trina and José. Trina and José had been in a relationship since Paige had met them, and then some more. And then one day, Paige heard that Trina was breaking up with José for "Dalton" after prom. That didn't sit well with Paige, because she thought Trina was using José for his prom ticket and, considering the way Paige was raised, she thought that it was despicable and dirty. So she told José, even though she wasn't sure if she should or not. The hurt in his eyes was unbearable, but he said he had guessed as much. Paige wasn't sure who broke up with whom, but at first she was relieved it had happened before prom. Then after about two days, she started feeling guilty. What if Trina wasn't REALLY going to break up with José? What if she was wrong, even though her information had been confirmed by inside sources? And just what if she'd hurt a friend whom she really cared about, because of a misunderstanding. What makes this story worse is that Paige has feelings for José. She has for a really long time. But she can never tell him. Not ever. Because now she's going to spend the rest of her existence beating herself up over whether or not she was right to tell José about Trina's plan in the first place. Not to mention, his expression when she told him, is going to haunt her dreams forever. It's only just begun...
So folks, did Paige make the right choice? Was she right to tell José? How could she be sure?
How do we know if the choice we make is the ethical one? It's easy to know if you made a horrible decision, as long as your mom is around to yell at you. But say that you are the only one who knows you made this decision, how can you decide for yourself whether or not it was right?
A Bad Influence; Chapter Three
This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to locals, events, and/ or persons living or dead (unless explicitly noted) is merely coincidental.
Chapter Three
I didn't quite understand what was going down. Hanna's step- mother had insulted me, and I was supposedly the bad guy??? All I could think was, "WTF?!?"
I discovered that day that I was self- centered, immature, egotistical, and a bad friend. Although not in so many words, because those were big words for Hanna's vocabulary. Jeez, I'm glad someone told me, because I had NO IDEA!!!! I mean, my friend Seymour had told me that I had great ethics and morals and Evanne told me that I was such a selfless, helpful person. Someone needs to inform them that they were LYING to me. Because in the words of Hanna (who, by the way, is never wrong) those are lies. Opposites of who I am. I had to have people check to make sure she isn't my biological mom, because she knows more about me than I or anyone else does!
To make matters worse, my friend "Myriam" began to side with Hanna, telling me how immature. Well, maybe to them I was immature, but at least I could fight my own battles. Two on one; handicapped without a cause and totally unfair.
I signed off of the computer, said g'night to the family, and lay in my bed thinking about how everything had gone so wrong. But then I decided I didn't need friends like that in my life anyway. Luckily, Emily and Milicent were still my friends, and either of them were better friends than if I had put Myriam and Hanna's personalities together. Actually, to be honest, Emily and Milicent (separate, not as a team) had more love, compassion, and over-all friendliness in their smallest burp than Myriam and Hanna had in their combined bodies. That was a sad thought. It was true, but sad. What was really sickening was that Myriam took Hanna's side based on what SHE had to say, and didn't even want to hear my side of the story. So I told her to stay out of my business.
Before I feel asleep, the last thing I thought about was how devastated I would be if Milicent and Emily stopped being my friend, too. (Seeing as how easy it was for Myriam to choose Hanna's side over me.) They were my best friends (even if they wouldn't say it) and I couldn't make it through my sophomore year, or even summer break, without them.
Chapter Three
I didn't quite understand what was going down. Hanna's step- mother had insulted me, and I was supposedly the bad guy??? All I could think was, "WTF?!?"
I discovered that day that I was self- centered, immature, egotistical, and a bad friend. Although not in so many words, because those were big words for Hanna's vocabulary. Jeez, I'm glad someone told me, because I had NO IDEA!!!! I mean, my friend Seymour had told me that I had great ethics and morals and Evanne told me that I was such a selfless, helpful person. Someone needs to inform them that they were LYING to me. Because in the words of Hanna (who, by the way, is never wrong) those are lies. Opposites of who I am. I had to have people check to make sure she isn't my biological mom, because she knows more about me than I or anyone else does!
To make matters worse, my friend "Myriam" began to side with Hanna, telling me how immature. Well, maybe to them I was immature, but at least I could fight my own battles. Two on one; handicapped without a cause and totally unfair.
I signed off of the computer, said g'night to the family, and lay in my bed thinking about how everything had gone so wrong. But then I decided I didn't need friends like that in my life anyway. Luckily, Emily and Milicent were still my friends, and either of them were better friends than if I had put Myriam and Hanna's personalities together. Actually, to be honest, Emily and Milicent (separate, not as a team) had more love, compassion, and over-all friendliness in their smallest burp than Myriam and Hanna had in their combined bodies. That was a sad thought. It was true, but sad. What was really sickening was that Myriam took Hanna's side based on what SHE had to say, and didn't even want to hear my side of the story. So I told her to stay out of my business.
Before I feel asleep, the last thing I thought about was how devastated I would be if Milicent and Emily stopped being my friend, too. (Seeing as how easy it was for Myriam to choose Hanna's side over me.) They were my best friends (even if they wouldn't say it) and I couldn't make it through my sophomore year, or even summer break, without them.
Honestly...
I'd like to say I handled this day well. That everything went great and it was all laughs and giggles, but it wasn't. At all. I had the most movie- like scene go down today, and as much as I pretend that I'm in a movie (when a sad song comes on the radio and i stare forlornly out the window for the fun of it), I didn't enjoy this. I was plainly rejected by a guy I have liked SO MUCH since I met him. I've never even crossed his mind. He apologized and I said it was "all good", and practically ran to class, then the restroom so my classmates wouldn't see me break down and be weak. And I found out that his current ex (who is supposed to be a good friend of mine) has wanted to punch me in the face on more than one occasion. That's two losses, two birds with one stone. I lost that feeling that I can totally trust a friend, and I lost the chance to find love that wouldn't leave me like it always does. (Since I was a little girl, by the way.) And, to be honest, I'm not used to losing good friends, or the boy I want. And if I do, it's because he is in a relationship, not because I've never crossed his mind. I don't know what this feeling is, this loss feeling. Idon't like knowing that I lost something I REALLY wanted. :'(
I can't say I handled this day with the utmost grace like I expected myself to. I mean, I prepared myself for the worst; I was prepared for him to say he didn't like me. I was not prepared to hear that I haven't ever crossed his mind, or that my friend wanted to punch me in the face. So instead of being strong, not crying, and being the tough individual I've always forced myself to be, I cried. I was weak, and I bawled my eyes out. And, in case anyone cares, I still am. I know, I posted that it was okay to break down and let go. But today of all days, I should have stayed strong. My eyes should have been coal black (as I've been told they look when I'm being "super strong", if you will.) But today, my eyes were wide and brown; the epitamy of innocence and vulnerability. And darn it, it better never happen again!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
I can't say I handled this day with the utmost grace like I expected myself to. I mean, I prepared myself for the worst; I was prepared for him to say he didn't like me. I was not prepared to hear that I haven't ever crossed his mind, or that my friend wanted to punch me in the face. So instead of being strong, not crying, and being the tough individual I've always forced myself to be, I cried. I was weak, and I bawled my eyes out. And, in case anyone cares, I still am. I know, I posted that it was okay to break down and let go. But today of all days, I should have stayed strong. My eyes should have been coal black (as I've been told they look when I'm being "super strong", if you will.) But today, my eyes were wide and brown; the epitamy of innocence and vulnerability. And darn it, it better never happen again!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
That Rush!
"Whew! My gracious, that rush is great isn't it! Heck, it could take the breath away from you! Oh, wow, that was great!"
No, I am not talking about drugs or "that thing married couples do" (to quote a friend of mine). I am talking about the dopamine in your brain naturally released when you begin to like someone or get good news. For instance: Every time I see Jon, it's like BAM! Instant happy; my own personal kind of heroin! Or when I found out that I someone is following my blog!!! One follower: "Jelly". I do not know who Jelly is, but seeing a blog follower and receiving the awesome comments on some of my posts made my day! BOOM, my very own, secret marijuana.
OKAY, enough of the drug references, I am disgusting myself with them. Y'all know what rush I am talking about, yes? I am sure you do!
I have actually read in "On Relationships" of the "Teen Love Series" by Kimberly Kirberger that there is an actual addiction to the rush of dopamine you get when you first begin to like someone or start a relationship with them.
Now some people, I suppose, would not believe this. "It's just kids' stuff" my mom would probably say. However I am a believer. I believe so because there have been multiple cases in my life in which i simply got bored and was not excited by a relationship that used to be so much fun for me. I've also given up on crushes because it wasn;t exciting anymore.
HOWEVER, there have been two exceptions, and only two:
1) My relationship with mister R.J.W. and...
2) My current crush on Jon.
As a matter of fact, I have liked him since I met him. (Now I don't really believe in all of that "love at first sight" fluff, but there was something going on. "Frisson", if you will. However, that would only be if frisson were not a fleeting, passing feeling. because the feeling sure did not pass. In fact, it has stayed for a very long time. Perhaps I would be better off had it passed. It would have saved me from a lot of heartache in the future. I hear him tell me that the whole "Jon and I" thing hasn't crossed his mind; indirectly telling me that he doesn't like me. But I can't accept it. Why? I do not know. But I feel as if somehow, by some miracle, he will change his mind and like me. But that is a silly thing to wish for. Silly, silly thing. Because you see, contrary to what you might see on, say, The Disney Chanel, wishes don't come true. I am not a TV star, I am me. And it will never matter how many times I knock on wood or wish on a shooting star or whatever; it will not happen. I must resign myself and just enjoy the rush whilst it is here.(:
"Whew! My gracious, that rush is great isn't it! Heck, it could take the breath away from you! Oh, wow, that was great!"
With Love,
Paige♥
No, I am not talking about drugs or "that thing married couples do" (to quote a friend of mine). I am talking about the dopamine in your brain naturally released when you begin to like someone or get good news. For instance: Every time I see Jon, it's like BAM! Instant happy; my own personal kind of heroin! Or when I found out that I someone is following my blog!!! One follower: "Jelly". I do not know who Jelly is, but seeing a blog follower and receiving the awesome comments on some of my posts made my day! BOOM, my very own, secret marijuana.
OKAY, enough of the drug references, I am disgusting myself with them. Y'all know what rush I am talking about, yes? I am sure you do!
I have actually read in "On Relationships" of the "Teen Love Series" by Kimberly Kirberger that there is an actual addiction to the rush of dopamine you get when you first begin to like someone or start a relationship with them.
Now some people, I suppose, would not believe this. "It's just kids' stuff" my mom would probably say. However I am a believer. I believe so because there have been multiple cases in my life in which i simply got bored and was not excited by a relationship that used to be so much fun for me. I've also given up on crushes because it wasn;t exciting anymore.
HOWEVER, there have been two exceptions, and only two:
1) My relationship with mister R.J.W. and...
2) My current crush on Jon.
As a matter of fact, I have liked him since I met him. (Now I don't really believe in all of that "love at first sight" fluff, but there was something going on. "Frisson", if you will. However, that would only be if frisson were not a fleeting, passing feeling. because the feeling sure did not pass. In fact, it has stayed for a very long time. Perhaps I would be better off had it passed. It would have saved me from a lot of heartache in the future. I hear him tell me that the whole "Jon and I" thing hasn't crossed his mind; indirectly telling me that he doesn't like me. But I can't accept it. Why? I do not know. But I feel as if somehow, by some miracle, he will change his mind and like me. But that is a silly thing to wish for. Silly, silly thing. Because you see, contrary to what you might see on, say, The Disney Chanel, wishes don't come true. I am not a TV star, I am me. And it will never matter how many times I knock on wood or wish on a shooting star or whatever; it will not happen. I must resign myself and just enjoy the rush whilst it is here.(:
"Whew! My gracious, that rush is great isn't it! Heck, it could take the breath away from you! Oh, wow, that was great!"
With Love,
Paige♥
Waiting...
"
So if I hate every minute of waiting and wanting, why do I do it? Why do folks sit around their houses, wanting what they will never have, and waiting for impossible dreams to come true. Whether it be a Lambourgini, being as famous as Blake Shelton, as coordinated as Michael Jordan, or even dating the guy you like. If we know that it will never happen, why do we do it? What part of the human brain is gullible enough to keep saying "Oh, it will happen, give it some time..." Even though you know that it will not.
Perhaps it is because “Men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire.” (As said by Dan Brown, The Da Vinci Code)
As for me, what I fear is having Jon reject me again. So I'm having a mental battle with myself to determine whether or not I should attempt to pursue a relationship. OF COURSE, I totally want to. But my common sense is telling me its no use because he will never like me and he OBVIOUSLY still loves Trinity. :'(
Well, it is what it is. But y'all, if you've got a goal, GO FOR IT~ never let ANYTHING or ANYONE tell you that you can't do it.
Because in the great words of Mr. President Obama himself (from his campaign speech when I was in 6th grade), "YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!"
Feelings For That "Special Someone"
My co- author and frister (friend who is like a sister) asked me "Who do you think I should like?" (Sorry if you didn't want me to share that Shay!!) And I couldn't help thinking "I wish I still thought it would be that easy. I wish I could still ask someone who I can like."
I realized today that sadly, I don't have thoughts like these anymore. My mind is so... OLD. Like, I think perhaps I got a brain transplant and the only available donor was a fifty year old woman? I don't know.
Today I was going to call up a boy that I fell for 4 years ago. I never totally got over him. (We started flirting AGAIN on the last day of school. It seems like we do that a lot when we're around each other. But he doesn't want to be "with me", because he doesn't want to "ruin our friendship". Even though we've broken up 3x and remain great friends. It makes me feel like one of his hoes, but whatever.) Anyway, I digress. I was going to call him up, and ask him for 30 days. I just wanted 30 days to show him 1.) We could make it work and 2.) That he really is as amazing as I say he is.
Sadly, I realized that I couldn't make that call. That was a really bold, mature move to make, and I wasn't sure he would be ready for such a proposal to be made. And it took all of my will power to put the phone back on charge.
I didn't choose to fall for him 4 years ago, and I didn't choose to fall for Jon, either. But yet I did. And so why do I not stop caring for either of them? Why DON'T we get to choose who we like in a romantic sense? That should be our decision to make, but it's not. WHY?!?
I used to feel bad when I liked more than one person at once. I wanted my heart to be as monogamous as my relationships, but it wasn't! And for a long time, I thought that I could change that. However, I had to accept defeat and realize I couldn't manipulate the way I felt about a guy anymore than they could manipulate the feelings they did (or did not) have for me.
So to all of those just beginning to feel these feelings :BEWARE. They don't end here!
I realized today that sadly, I don't have thoughts like these anymore. My mind is so... OLD. Like, I think perhaps I got a brain transplant and the only available donor was a fifty year old woman? I don't know.
Today I was going to call up a boy that I fell for 4 years ago. I never totally got over him. (We started flirting AGAIN on the last day of school. It seems like we do that a lot when we're around each other. But he doesn't want to be "with me", because he doesn't want to "ruin our friendship". Even though we've broken up 3x and remain great friends. It makes me feel like one of his hoes, but whatever.) Anyway, I digress. I was going to call him up, and ask him for 30 days. I just wanted 30 days to show him 1.) We could make it work and 2.) That he really is as amazing as I say he is.
Sadly, I realized that I couldn't make that call. That was a really bold, mature move to make, and I wasn't sure he would be ready for such a proposal to be made. And it took all of my will power to put the phone back on charge.
I didn't choose to fall for him 4 years ago, and I didn't choose to fall for Jon, either. But yet I did. And so why do I not stop caring for either of them? Why DON'T we get to choose who we like in a romantic sense? That should be our decision to make, but it's not. WHY?!?
I used to feel bad when I liked more than one person at once. I wanted my heart to be as monogamous as my relationships, but it wasn't! And for a long time, I thought that I could change that. However, I had to accept defeat and realize I couldn't manipulate the way I felt about a guy anymore than they could manipulate the feelings they did (or did not) have for me.
So to all of those just beginning to feel these feelings :BEWARE. They don't end here!
What Can Happen In Over Two Hours?
Perhaps my question is not "the norm". But by whose standards? Anyway, this post is not about "the norm" so let's move on...
Q: What Can Happen In Over Two Hours??
A: a LOT
In just over two hours, someone could commit suicide by slitting their wrists and bleeding to death. In just over two hours, I could take a trip to Wal- Mart and buy myself CDs, a laptop, a new phone, and whatever else I wanted. In over two hours, I could sign up for a marathon and plan my training itinerary. In just over two hours, I could have a fight with my best friend. In the same amount of time, I could decide to stay foolishly angry, or just let it go. (I chose the latter in case you're curious.) OR maybe, just maybe, in a little over two hours, you can have a wonderful conversation with the boy of your dreams.:)
Yeah, I'm talking about George♥ We're only friends and all, but I hope that, with time, it will turn into something more. EEP!
Q: What Can Happen In Over Two Hours??
A: a LOT
In just over two hours, someone could commit suicide by slitting their wrists and bleeding to death. In just over two hours, I could take a trip to Wal- Mart and buy myself CDs, a laptop, a new phone, and whatever else I wanted. In over two hours, I could sign up for a marathon and plan my training itinerary. In just over two hours, I could have a fight with my best friend. In the same amount of time, I could decide to stay foolishly angry, or just let it go. (I chose the latter in case you're curious.) OR maybe, just maybe, in a little over two hours, you can have a wonderful conversation with the boy of your dreams.:)
Yeah, I'm talking about George♥ We're only friends and all, but I hope that, with time, it will turn into something more. EEP!
An "End" In "Friend"
I'm sorry to say that my former co- author "Shay" is currently incapable of joining my blog. I must also tell you that she and I are no longer friends. I may, later on, invite another friend to join my "blogging empire" (with one whole follower.!)
I am proud to announce that I have deleted her profile blog (which she never actually finished because she was an incompetent co- author) and her blog "To Rap or Not To Rap" which nobody read anyway. To be honest, I didn't read it either. It simply didn't interest me.
Anyway, this "legacy" (or it will be when I'm done with it) will be continued by me. I will be the head of the dynasty. I'll hold up the fort. Ahh well, I did that anyway.
Anyway, not much to say about this for now. Bye!
With Love,
Paige♥
I am proud to announce that I have deleted her profile blog (which she never actually finished because she was an incompetent co- author) and her blog "To Rap or Not To Rap" which nobody read anyway. To be honest, I didn't read it either. It simply didn't interest me.
Anyway, this "legacy" (or it will be when I'm done with it) will be continued by me. I will be the head of the dynasty. I'll hold up the fort. Ahh well, I did that anyway.
Anyway, not much to say about this for now. Bye!
With Love,
Paige♥
A Bad influence; Chapter One and Two
A Bad Influence; Chapter One and Two
This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to locals, events, and/ or persons living or dead (unless explicitly noted) is merely coincidental.
Chapter One
Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, lived a beautiful princess. Her name, was Paige... WHAT!?! I don't THINK so. This is definitely NOT some corny fairy tale. GROSS!
Anyway, so there I was. Standing next to my friends in the lunch line at Creyton- Baltimore, a private school that most people get into because their parents are loaded. I got in with a scholarship from my mom's pest control company. Apparently, Creyton- Baltimore was overrun with termites and Teresa's Termite Terminators had come to the rescue, or whatever. So there I was, three months into school, and I had already made four friends; Emily, Myriam, Milicent, and Hanna. I liked to consider myself a jokester, and often unintentionally crossed the line. Although my jokes could sometimes be consider "explicit" or "vulgar", it was never intentional, I swear to you.
I was closest to Hanna, and we were like sisters. Although, I have to admit that she often got upset with me if I didn't agree with her about everything, or spent too much times with Emily, Myriam, or Milicent. Not to mention, I didn't find much of an interest in the same things she did. However, being the good friend I was, I would pretend to find her interesting. Thus, we got along pretty well.
My other com padres Emily and Milicent were really good friends to me, too. The difference being that I was actually interested in what they had to say and their opinions. (Not to mention that the two of them actually had morals.)
Anyway, as I said, Hanna and I got along very well, until we had our fight. But, maybe I should let you know where I come from so you can understand who I am...
Chapter Two
I spent the first few years of my life in a not- so- nice neighborhood with not- so- nice "parents". I was always around fighting, profanity, and vulgarity. Thus, as I grew older, that was what I knew. I was adopted and taught right from wrong, but I was ingrained with fighting and profanity in my blood. I cursed when I was angry, and I hated myself SO MUCH for it. But it's not like I was one of those people who drop the F bomb every other word. It's ignorant and unattractive. But if I was on a roll about something that got me all fired up, I had a habit of using the B, D, and A word. More often than I'd like to admit, because I also had a short temper. Some called me bipolar as a joke. However, twas how I was raised and so was how I acted. It was a habit I worked hard to kick but never really did. I couldn't stop doing the "angry curse" anymore than I could stop myself from breathing. Although some people I knew wanted (and still want, to this day) for me to do both.
I even believed that if someone called themselves my friend, they could accept me. Flaws and all. Boy was I wrong!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I fully intend to finish my story. If it interests you at all, keep watching for chapters 4 and 5 of "A Bad Influence" by me.
That's all for now, folks! I look forward to any comments or opinions. Remember, you can email me at tubagirlrox13@gmail.com or just leave you message below! Thanks all!
With love,
Paige♥
Chapter One
Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, lived a beautiful princess. Her name, was Paige... WHAT!?! I don't THINK so. This is definitely NOT some corny fairy tale. GROSS!
Anyway, so there I was. Standing next to my friends in the lunch line at Creyton- Baltimore, a private school that most people get into because their parents are loaded. I got in with a scholarship from my mom's pest control company. Apparently, Creyton- Baltimore was overrun with termites and Teresa's Termite Terminators had come to the rescue, or whatever. So there I was, three months into school, and I had already made four friends; Emily, Myriam, Milicent, and Hanna. I liked to consider myself a jokester, and often unintentionally crossed the line. Although my jokes could sometimes be consider "explicit" or "vulgar", it was never intentional, I swear to you.
I was closest to Hanna, and we were like sisters. Although, I have to admit that she often got upset with me if I didn't agree with her about everything, or spent too much times with Emily, Myriam, or Milicent. Not to mention, I didn't find much of an interest in the same things she did. However, being the good friend I was, I would pretend to find her interesting. Thus, we got along pretty well.
My other com padres Emily and Milicent were really good friends to me, too. The difference being that I was actually interested in what they had to say and their opinions. (Not to mention that the two of them actually had morals.)
Anyway, as I said, Hanna and I got along very well, until we had our fight. But, maybe I should let you know where I come from so you can understand who I am...
Chapter Two
I spent the first few years of my life in a not- so- nice neighborhood with not- so- nice "parents". I was always around fighting, profanity, and vulgarity. Thus, as I grew older, that was what I knew. I was adopted and taught right from wrong, but I was ingrained with fighting and profanity in my blood. I cursed when I was angry, and I hated myself SO MUCH for it. But it's not like I was one of those people who drop the F bomb every other word. It's ignorant and unattractive. But if I was on a roll about something that got me all fired up, I had a habit of using the B, D, and A word. More often than I'd like to admit, because I also had a short temper. Some called me bipolar as a joke. However, twas how I was raised and so was how I acted. It was a habit I worked hard to kick but never really did. I couldn't stop doing the "angry curse" anymore than I could stop myself from breathing. Although some people I knew wanted (and still want, to this day) for me to do both.
I even believed that if someone called themselves my friend, they could accept me. Flaws and all. Boy was I wrong!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I fully intend to finish my story. If it interests you at all, keep watching for chapters 4 and 5 of "A Bad Influence" by me.
That's all for now, folks! I look forward to any comments or opinions. Remember, you can email me at tubagirlrox13@gmail.com or just leave you message below! Thanks all!
With love,
Paige♥
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